// These functions courtesy GoobNet Football, http://football.goobnet.net/
// Nathan S Brown, 2002-3
// Please use or modify these functions, but give me credit.
// Have a nice day...
function writewelcome() {
var msg=new Array("ASKING THE ETERNAL QUESTION: WHERE DID RONALDO GET THE IDEA FOR THAT HAIRCUT?",
"\"I GIVE GOOBNET TWELVE MINUTES OF STOPPAGE TIME!\" - BYRON MORENO",
"SO WHO LOOKS BETTER IN A SPORTS BRA, BRANDI CHASTAIN OR LANDON DONOVAN?",
"WE PUT THE \"E\" IN \"TIFFENY MILBRETT\"",
"THE WORLD'S ONLY WEBSITE THAT WOULD LOSE TO AMERICAN SAMOA",
"EVER WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO PLAY FOOTBALL ON AN ASTEROID?",
"GOOBNET: THE OFFSIDE TRAP OF WEBSITES",
"GOOBNET: THE NAME OF THE BECKHAMS' NEXT SON",
"KEEPING YOU UP TO DATE ON ECCENTRIC BRAZILIANS SINCE 2001", // 0x08
"\"I GIVE GOOBNET THREE SHOVES INTO THE WATER!\" - ERIC CANTONA",
"WHEN ROBERTO CARLOS DIES, WILL WE HAVE TO FLY OUR CORNER FLAGS AT HALF MAST?",
"THE ONLY WEBSITE THAT CAN CORRECTLY SPELL CUAUHTÉMOC BLANCO'S NAME",
"EXPERIMENTS TO COMBINE FOOTBALL AND PORNOGRAPHY MOSTLY END UP WITH LOTS OF SORE SPOTS",
"PROUDLY HATING MANCHESTER UNITED SINCE 2001",
"ANYBODY ELSE THINK DAVID SEAMAN AND RÜSTÜ RECBER ARE REALLY THE SAME PERSON?",
"SO WHO'S GOT THE BEST HAIR IN FOOTBALL, KAZUYUKI TODA OR HOPE POWELL?",
"SO WHAT DOES THE 47TH BEST PLAYER AT THE WORLD CUP GET, THE WOODEN BALL OR THE CERAMIC BALL?", // 0x10
"\"I GIVE GOOBNET FOUR KICKS IN THE GROIN!\" - ROY KEANE",
"PROUDLY RETURNING PIERLUIGI COLLINA'S STARE SINCE 2001",
"IF YOU SING THE UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE ANTHEM IN THE SHOWER, YOU MIGHT BE A FOOTBALL NUT",
"OUR FONT'S COOLER THAN THE ONE ON NIKE UNIFORMS",
"GOOBNET: THE ONLY NORTH AMERICAN FOOTBALLING ENTITY IN WHICH JACK WARNER IS UNINVOLVED",
"WHY WOULD ICELAND'S FEMALE FOOTBALLERS POSE AS MATADORS FOR A POSTER? WELL, WHY NOT?",
"THE WEBSITE THAT CAN UNDERSTAND ONLY ONE WORD OUT OF ANDRÉS CANTOR'S VOCABULARY",
"DON'T BLAME ME - I VOTED FOR MICK MCCARTHY", // 0x18
"\"I GIVE GOOBNET THREE DIVES AND A SURREPTITIOUS GLANCE AT THE REFEREE!\" - RIVALDO",
"PLEASE NOTE THAT OFFICIAL TIME IS KEPT BY THE REFEREE IN A NICE LITTLE CHANEL PURSE",
"THE ONLY SPORT THAT NEEDS NOT ONE \"STADIUM OF LIGHT\", BUT TWO",
"DISCUSSION QUESTION: IF DIEGO MARADONA AND PELÉ GOT INTO A FIGHT, WHOSE TALK SHOW WOULD IT BE ON?",
"ACTUALLY, WE WANTED THE NEW WEMBLEY TO INCLUDE A GIANT STATUE OF REGINALD J GOOBER",
"LITTLE KNOWN FACT: THE CYBERRAYS ORIGINALLY CONSIDERED CALLING THEMSELVES THE \"SAN JOSE GOOBNETS\"",
"PROUDLY MOURNING THE MIAMI FUSION SINCE 2002");
var n=Math.floor(msg.length*Math.random());
document.write(msg[n]);
}
function writemoddate() {
var lmod=new Date(document.lastModified);
var months=new Array("JAN","FEB","MAR","APR","MAY","JUN","JUL","AUG","SEP","OCT","NOV","DEC");
var days=new Array("SUN","MON","TUE","WED","THU","FRI","SAT");
var yr=lmod.getUTCFullYear();
var mo=lmod.getUTCMonth();
var d0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCDate()/10); if(isNaN(d0)) d0=0;
var d1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCDate()%10); if(isNaN(d1)) d1=0;
var dy=lmod.getUTCDay();
if (yr<2000) {
yr+=100;
dy=(dy+6)%7;
}
var h0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCHours()/10); if(isNaN(h0)) h0=0;
var h1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCHours()%10); if(isNaN(h1)) h1=0;
var m0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCMinutes()/10); if(isNaN(m0)) m0=0;
var m1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCMinutes()%10); if(isNaN(m1)) m1=0;
var s0=parseInt(lmod.getUTCSeconds()/10); if(isNaN(s0)) s0=0;
var s1=parseInt(lmod.getUTCSeconds()%10); if(isNaN(s1)) s1=0;
document.write("© ",yr," GOOBNET ENTERPRISES, INC [WHICH DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST HOWEVER]
");
document.write("THIS FILE ACCURATE AS OF: ",days[dy]," ",d0,d1," ",months[mo]," ",yr," - ");
document.write(h0,h1,":",m0,m1,":",s0,s1," UTC");
}
function writemsgtype() {
var msg=new Array("INCOHERENT RANTS",
"STEAMY E-MAILS",
"CONDESCENDING CORRECTIONS",
"PUTRID FILTH",
"IRRELEVANT DETAILS",
"POORLY PLANNED BUSINESS PROPOSALS",
"TEXT-BASED SENSUALITY",
"FIREWOOD");
var n=Math.floor(msg.length*Math.random());
document.write("